Spent some time reflecting on the past year today; starting this blog, beginning a new journey, learning to listen to myself and my needs, publishing a book, starting a new job...so many changes have taken place in my life in that year, changes that have made me a better person overall.
I've learned to listen more, talk less; to share what I love, not focus on things I don't; to face the fear instead of avoiding it; to ask questions when I'm uncertain rather than worrying about what I don't know; to take chances; to be patient; to show others compassion and love; to express myself in new and fun ways. I am a completely different person than I was a year ago, and even more so than I was ten years ago. And I'm really happy about that :)
But one area that still needs some work is in the way I think others view me. I know I shouldn't be worried about what other people think or say about me...but the truth is, I do. I often find myself asking these questions: Will others be mad at me? Did I offend them or hurt their feelings? Are they talking about me? If so, why? What did I do? And the truth is, it's hard to be yourself openly when there are people out there who look for ways to bring you down, ways to hurt you, or make you feel bad about yourself. Those situations are awkward and uncomfortable and I end up wondering why I even put myself in that position in the first place.
It's true we all make mistakes. And I'm working on forgiving myself for the ones I have made. But it's also true we can only change ourselves. Reflecting today gave me the opportunity to realize I have, and in doing so have a lot to be proud of and thankful for. I am still learning on this journey and will continue to grow and change as I move along. That's okay and it makes me feel good to say it here.
To those of you who have stood by me through thick and thin, thank you. I'm not a perfect person, nor will I ever be. But I'm doing everything I can to be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend I can be. And that has to be good enough, not for everyone else, but for me...