For the past several days I've not been myself. I'm experiencing a wide range of emotions, sleepless nights, and worrying about lots of things, most of which I have no control over.
Truth be told...I am absolutely and utterly freaked out about this next part of the journey. I keep talking to myself (yes, I might be a bit crazy), saying things like...don't worry, you've got this; hand it over to the Lord, He is in control; breathe; take it all in; fear-less; enjoy this moment. Problem is, I'm trying REALLY hard to believe it, to feel it, to live it...and I'm having trouble. My mind is totally all over the place and I can't seem to get it back in check.
Cue in my Jesus Calling book. I try to spend at least ten minutes per day alone, taking in the quiet and beauty of the morning, and most recently praying to feel a peace in His presence. Today, one of the verses was Galatians 5:22-23. And the devotional said, "Do not worry about what other people think of you. The work I am doing in you is hidden at first. But eventually blossoms will burst forth, and abundant fruit will be born. Stay on the path of Life with Me. Trust Me wholeheartedly, letting My Spirit fill you with Joy and Peace". ~Sarah Young
Joy and Peace. All that I have been praying for. And I look at this list--the Fruit of the Spirit-- and it makes me long for all of them. I want to be and feel; love, and joy, and peace, and patience, and kindness, and goodness, and faithfulness, and gentleness, and self-control. I want to not worry about this next leg of the journey because I know He has this and I will survive. I want to believe in His plan for me and the purpose He has for this in my life.
I'm still trying to get there. I've had a few good cries, some time to be alone with my thoughts, taken lots of deep breaths, spent nights talking with family and friends about options. But the truth is...this is happening, sooner than I would like. And I want to be prepared. I want to be ready. I want my family and friends to be ready.
The cardiac MRI has been scheduled for September 9th. Please pray that I can make it through the duration without having a panic attack. My cardiologist will be having a Nuclear Medicine Specialist look for certain genetic markers and once we have the results, I will begin meeting with surgeons. My dad had the exact same surgery done at Cleveland Clinic about ten years ago. So we plan to meet with his surgeon along with a few others located here in Indy to look over my records and determine the next steps.
For now, I'm putting this quote on repeat: let your FAITH be bigger than your fear; let your faith be BIGGER than your fear; let your FAITH be BIGGER than your fear...
~Nicole
Truth be told...I am absolutely and utterly freaked out about this next part of the journey. I keep talking to myself (yes, I might be a bit crazy), saying things like...don't worry, you've got this; hand it over to the Lord, He is in control; breathe; take it all in; fear-less; enjoy this moment. Problem is, I'm trying REALLY hard to believe it, to feel it, to live it...and I'm having trouble. My mind is totally all over the place and I can't seem to get it back in check.
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| http://sincerelysarad.com |
Joy and Peace. All that I have been praying for. And I look at this list--the Fruit of the Spirit-- and it makes me long for all of them. I want to be and feel; love, and joy, and peace, and patience, and kindness, and goodness, and faithfulness, and gentleness, and self-control. I want to not worry about this next leg of the journey because I know He has this and I will survive. I want to believe in His plan for me and the purpose He has for this in my life.
I'm still trying to get there. I've had a few good cries, some time to be alone with my thoughts, taken lots of deep breaths, spent nights talking with family and friends about options. But the truth is...this is happening, sooner than I would like. And I want to be prepared. I want to be ready. I want my family and friends to be ready.
The cardiac MRI has been scheduled for September 9th. Please pray that I can make it through the duration without having a panic attack. My cardiologist will be having a Nuclear Medicine Specialist look for certain genetic markers and once we have the results, I will begin meeting with surgeons. My dad had the exact same surgery done at Cleveland Clinic about ten years ago. So we plan to meet with his surgeon along with a few others located here in Indy to look over my records and determine the next steps.
For now, I'm putting this quote on repeat: let your FAITH be bigger than your fear; let your faith be BIGGER than your fear; let your FAITH be BIGGER than your fear...
~Nicole